The other day while driving through my neighborhood, I passed a house that had THREE yard signs about their kid. One recognized that he was a senior, another was a giant photo of him in his track team uniform, and the other was the school logo with attached plaques for each of the school activities he was involved in. When my daughter was in high school last year, I had a sign similar to the third one. When she turned sixteen, I had giant “Happy Sweet 16” letters placed in the yard for the day. For her graduation party, I had signs made of just her head with a graduation cap on, and placed them in our yard, front and back. And do you know why I displayed those yard signs? Two reasons—1. I didn’t want my daughter to see other kids’ signs and feel unloved if I didn’t do them for her and, 2. I was afraid other people would think I was a bad parent if I didn’t.

In the late 90s, I discovered the Martha Stewart show and her books, all of which I devoured. That woman has seriously good taste and I loved all the crafty things she introduced me to. Before I’d even met my husband in 1999, I owned several copies of her Martha Stewart Weddings magazine and had strong opinions about how my someday-wedding would look. When I got married in 2000, I worked hard to stretch my budget to create a picture-perfect event. In late 2001, as I awaited the birth of my son, I eagerly collected and read all of her Martha Stewart Baby issues, excited to implement her ideas on my quest to be a perfect mom.

But therein lies the rub—a “picture-perfect” wedding???”; being a “perfect mom???” As I soaked in all that “Martha-ness,” I absorbed her curated image of perfection and began putting a lot of pressure on myself. I believe most new parents have done the same in various ways. Whether it’s in being recommended a book on baby sleep schedules or finding little premade “kindergarten, 1st grade, 2nd grade…” signs for first day of school photos at the craft store, unreasonable, or at least unnecessary, expectations are placed on us everywhere we turn. And these expectations exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and lead to anxiety.

During our daughter’s senior year of high school, I was the mom who never participated in the “7 Days of My Senior” Facebook photo challenge. I didn’t post prom photos or graduation ones and I still feel terrible about not doing so. I had deliberate intentions about doing posts for each—wanting to take the time to select only the best images—and never got around to doing them. Conversely, I have occasionally posted some exciting news about my son’s ongoing hockey career and I worry that it seems I favor one kid over the other. I shared these feelings with my daughter and she said she couldn’t care less about what I have and haven’t posted on Facebook but I still can’t forgive myself.

Recently, a family member posted adorable photos of her baby with a “3 months old” sign. When I see things like that, although it’s cute, I get knots in my stomach. Has she bought into the “perfect mom trap,” too?!?! Why can’t we just be “good enough?” At some point when my kids were in elementary school, one of their classes was lacking a room parent. I was always the one who would step up when no one else would, but I didn’t. I literally told myself that the earth would not stop spinning on its axis if there was no room parent. And of course, it didn’t. Since then, I have used that thought to allow myself to make my life easier. If only I could believe that my daughter doesn’t care that I didn’t post her life in photos on Facebook last year and accept all the other things I do as a mother that are, at the least, good enough.

To buy yourself the “I am enough” ring, click here. :)