On April 20th, 1999, I was sitting in my office at a Denver ad agency when, all of the sudden, the man in the office next to mine ran out of the building. His kids attended Columbine High School and there had been a mass shooting. It was the first major school shooting the world had ever experienced. There were so many casualties—13 innocent victims were shot dead and 21 were injured—that it was being reported on the local and national media outlets, 24/7. Each victim’s backstory was so broadly shared that I felt like I personally knew them. Their grieving families were frequently seen on tv, speaking out about what happened and sharing their grief. I was glued to my tv and the shooting was all everyone talked about. It was impossible not to feel affected. I plunged into a bout of severe depression for which I sought therapy and medication. I’m certain I was not alone.

The first step is to change your own language. Instead of thinking, “I am anxious,” say (in your head), “I am noticing that I’m having an anxious thought.” By treating yourself as a person who is having a thought rather than identifying yourself as that thought (“I AM anxious.”), you can begin to believe that a thought is just a thought.

Mindfulness seems to be the latest mental health buzzword and for good reason. In a nutshell, it is the purposeful appreciation of the moment we are in, forgetting about the past and not thinking about the future. Simple, right? Maybe not.

But therein lies the rub— a “picture-perfect” wedding???”; being a “perfect mom???” As I soaked in all that “Martha-ness,” I absorbed her curated image of perfection and began putting a lot of pressure on myself.